Remember when you were a freshman in high school and you looked at the upperclassmen with envy as they drove their cars to school? Meanwhile you had to ride the loud, bumpy bus back home to ask your mom to drive you and your friends to a party that weekend...in her minivan. At that point in your life, the epitome of growing up and being cool was getting your drivers license. After that, you most looked forward to turning 18, because then, whoah, the world really opened up! You could buy a gun if you wanted, smoke tobacco products legally, and call yourself an adult.
If you were like me, you went off to college once you turned 18 and started back at the bottom of the ladder. Sure you were 18 and an adult, but you couldn't even buy your own booze! You had to drink in secret and get older people to buy you drinks. That's when you knew you wouldn't feel like an adult until you turned 21 and could walk into a liquor store, ID in hand, knowing you could legally buy alcohol. When you turned 21, you would finally be a "real" adult.
Let's fast forward a few years. You're 21 or older and you're graduating college! Eek! Eventually you find a job (we'll get back to this topic in a future blog), and you might live at home or move away from home. For some, this is an exciting time of change and career growth. For others, it's a terrifying period in which they realize just how much they depend on their parents and hope they don't make the wrong career choice.
And finally it kicks in: NOW I am an adult. I am all grown-up and I may not have a steady job yet, or a spouse and family, but I am nevertheless an adult. And. this. is. scary. as. shit.
Not only is growing up scary, it's also disappointing. These are the facts:
1) Even if you have a job, it's a start-up job and probably less than ideal. You aren't making a lot of money. It might be more than you've ever made in your life, but when you consider student loans, car loans, insurance, rent, gas, food, utilities, and extra spending money, it doesn't seem quite as sustainable. And then you consider how much you're really making after taxes and money for benefits is taken out of each paycheck. Now you consider yourself blessed with the small amount of money you're actually able to put away for savings each month.
2) If you move away from home, you're going to be homesick on some level. Its not like college when you had ample breaks to go home and see family, friends, significant others. Now you are in the "real world" where you are required to work 40 hours a week and the number of vacation days you get can probably be counted on both hands. If you're like me and you live half a day's drive away from home or more, you can't easily drive home for just one weekend. If you live at home, there's a good chance that none of your friends do anymore. So you'll be at home but you'll still feel lonely and nostalgic for college when you could see your friends everyday.
3) Becoming a true adult means doing adult things. This is worse if you're in a new town/state. These things may include: figuring out benefits and which plan works best for you, opening a new bank account, changing your address for all your mailing, and finding a new EVERYTHING: A new dentist, a new doctor, a new pharmacy, finding someone to replace the hairdresser you've gone to ever since you were a little girl, etc.
4) Finding friends (or a significant other) becomes infinitely harder than you ever thought possible. When you're not in school, you don't meet people as regularly and you're not in a situation where everyone else is vulnerable and trying to make friends at the same time. Everyone around you is all settled with their own friends: you're the new person on the block, so to speak. Unless neighbors and co-workers introduce themselves to you and invite you to do things, you'll have to take initiative. If you don't work with many young people, this is even more impossible. You have to be very proactive about making friends; something you probably never gave much thought before now.
You get the picture. Growing up is not the exciting experience you thought it would be. When I was in high school, I was under the delusion that after I graduated college, I would have a glamorous job, be getting married to my prince charming, and managing my finances with no problem. I was also naive enough to think that I would know my exact place in this world with certitude. Well, well well, wasn't I the little optimist? I am just like every other confused, penny-pinching, anxious, and disappointed college grad. Don't get me wrong, I have a good first job and I am optimistic about my future, but it's not a picnic in the park like I used to think. I can't imagine why I was in such a rush to get to this point in life. What I wouldn't give to be back in the high school frame of mind when my biggest worry was who I was going to ask to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
I guess this is a lesson to us all to enjoy the moment we are in instead of being in such a rush to "grow up." I think I've finally learned that "growing up" is a continual process that brings with it new joys and sorrows. I am no longer in a hurry to "grow up" and get married and start a family because I am wiser now. Even married people have growing up to do and they have their own problems. Even when I am 60 and have grandchildren, I won't be all grown up. I think "growing up" is overrated anyways. I'll stay right here at 22 for now and deal with these problems and enjoy the happy times I am blessed with and deal with the problems of 23 when I get there. I'm no longer wishing to be at any other point in my life than the one I'm at right now.
If you were like me, you went off to college once you turned 18 and started back at the bottom of the ladder. Sure you were 18 and an adult, but you couldn't even buy your own booze! You had to drink in secret and get older people to buy you drinks. That's when you knew you wouldn't feel like an adult until you turned 21 and could walk into a liquor store, ID in hand, knowing you could legally buy alcohol. When you turned 21, you would finally be a "real" adult.
Let's fast forward a few years. You're 21 or older and you're graduating college! Eek! Eventually you find a job (we'll get back to this topic in a future blog), and you might live at home or move away from home. For some, this is an exciting time of change and career growth. For others, it's a terrifying period in which they realize just how much they depend on their parents and hope they don't make the wrong career choice.
And finally it kicks in: NOW I am an adult. I am all grown-up and I may not have a steady job yet, or a spouse and family, but I am nevertheless an adult. And. this. is. scary. as. shit.
Not only is growing up scary, it's also disappointing. These are the facts:
1) Even if you have a job, it's a start-up job and probably less than ideal. You aren't making a lot of money. It might be more than you've ever made in your life, but when you consider student loans, car loans, insurance, rent, gas, food, utilities, and extra spending money, it doesn't seem quite as sustainable. And then you consider how much you're really making after taxes and money for benefits is taken out of each paycheck. Now you consider yourself blessed with the small amount of money you're actually able to put away for savings each month.
2) If you move away from home, you're going to be homesick on some level. Its not like college when you had ample breaks to go home and see family, friends, significant others. Now you are in the "real world" where you are required to work 40 hours a week and the number of vacation days you get can probably be counted on both hands. If you're like me and you live half a day's drive away from home or more, you can't easily drive home for just one weekend. If you live at home, there's a good chance that none of your friends do anymore. So you'll be at home but you'll still feel lonely and nostalgic for college when you could see your friends everyday.
3) Becoming a true adult means doing adult things. This is worse if you're in a new town/state. These things may include: figuring out benefits and which plan works best for you, opening a new bank account, changing your address for all your mailing, and finding a new EVERYTHING: A new dentist, a new doctor, a new pharmacy, finding someone to replace the hairdresser you've gone to ever since you were a little girl, etc.
4) Finding friends (or a significant other) becomes infinitely harder than you ever thought possible. When you're not in school, you don't meet people as regularly and you're not in a situation where everyone else is vulnerable and trying to make friends at the same time. Everyone around you is all settled with their own friends: you're the new person on the block, so to speak. Unless neighbors and co-workers introduce themselves to you and invite you to do things, you'll have to take initiative. If you don't work with many young people, this is even more impossible. You have to be very proactive about making friends; something you probably never gave much thought before now.
You get the picture. Growing up is not the exciting experience you thought it would be. When I was in high school, I was under the delusion that after I graduated college, I would have a glamorous job, be getting married to my prince charming, and managing my finances with no problem. I was also naive enough to think that I would know my exact place in this world with certitude. Well, well well, wasn't I the little optimist? I am just like every other confused, penny-pinching, anxious, and disappointed college grad. Don't get me wrong, I have a good first job and I am optimistic about my future, but it's not a picnic in the park like I used to think. I can't imagine why I was in such a rush to get to this point in life. What I wouldn't give to be back in the high school frame of mind when my biggest worry was who I was going to ask to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
I guess this is a lesson to us all to enjoy the moment we are in instead of being in such a rush to "grow up." I think I've finally learned that "growing up" is a continual process that brings with it new joys and sorrows. I am no longer in a hurry to "grow up" and get married and start a family because I am wiser now. Even married people have growing up to do and they have their own problems. Even when I am 60 and have grandchildren, I won't be all grown up. I think "growing up" is overrated anyways. I'll stay right here at 22 for now and deal with these problems and enjoy the happy times I am blessed with and deal with the problems of 23 when I get there. I'm no longer wishing to be at any other point in my life than the one I'm at right now.